Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
