Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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