Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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