Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
