So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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