so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
