party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and she was petting her beer can
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
