he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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