I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
