do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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