you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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