why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
