the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
