On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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