"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
