Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
