i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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