she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
