she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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