So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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