My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
