Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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