She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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