based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
