I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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