I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
