Banned from zoo.
Again?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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