We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
