just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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