I understand Curling. That high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
