didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
