RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize