I cockslap morals
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
