but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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