This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
