You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't deserve a penis
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
