So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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