and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
