I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's blow job season.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
