I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
