I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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