U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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