she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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