well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd cum for enchiladas.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
