I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you inspire me to be a worse person
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You ruined the universe
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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