omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
