And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
