There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
