Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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