new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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