the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
