Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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