I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
