Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
