I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
