last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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