Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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