My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
