i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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