OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i think my cat just said my name.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
