I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
