theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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