If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just crazy horny about you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
