So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
