My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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