I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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