If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me I should be a condom model.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
