i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
