Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
