Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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