Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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