i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
